I still remember the night my husband left me and my son for another woman. Ibu came to my room and asked "what happened?" I don't know how to start. My heart totally broken. I began to cry my heart out while breastfeeding my son in my arms. I hold him tights with my shaking hands. Rasa macam sampah sangat masa tu. I told ibu everything. That was the longest night between me and ibu. Ibu gave me so many advises about life. Not about marriage anymore. But life.
I still remember that night where we spent together talk about how life's going so far. As I'm restless about my marriage, meanwhile Ibu restless about her mysterious disease. But Ibu being so positive told me, in life, whatever happens, happens. We can't run from everything that already happened but we have to face it. Just-face-it. No matter how hard you feel, no matter how tough it can be, just go with it. Follow the flow. Allah will help. Minta dengan Dia, jangan pernah lupa Dia.
I still remember that night ibu asked me to stop thinking about him, stop focusing my life on him, forgave him and move on. Ibu began to make me realize, this life ain't about someone you love. No matter how much you love, care, and loyal to someone, when they decide to leave, they leave. This life is about you. Ibu told me that I have done my part, I have done my very best to save this marriage but he chose to leave and that's out of my control. I have to accept it, moving forward, and not looking into the past anymore. Redha, that's the best word to describe. Ibu reminded me to focus on this one little caliph that I have to raise on my own with my both hands. Ibu reminded me to start focus on my bright future, my son's future and plan something. We even draft some plan that night. Do it sincerely Lillahi Ta'ala. Ibu believed that my rezeki akan bertambah sooner or later, just put my hope to Allah.
I still remember that night ibu was there for me just to comfort me. She doesn't care about her sleep as long as I be positive again. We spent time until 4am, I felt so calm that night. Ibu kept told me that everyone has their own struggle, and this is my part. Don't feel like a loser. Hadapi sajaaa.
I once felt like my marriage is such a waste of time, waste of money. But when ibu passed away, I started to look deeper. Allah has put everything in the right place and in the right time. Now, I change my mind that my marriage is a gift for ibu. Hadiah paling bernilai untuk ibu. Sekurang-kurangnya sebelum ibu pergi, ibu dah merasa semuanya dalam kehidupan. Apart from being a PhD holder, a lecturer, Ibu merasa menguruskan perkahwinan anak sendiri, ibu merasa ada menantu, ibu menyaksikan anak sendiri beranak, ibu merasa jaga anak masa pantang, ibu merasa jaga cucu sampai 3 tahun, and at least ibu tahu dia ada keturunan. After all, she already live her life to the fullest I might say 😍
Al-Fatihah untuk ibu 😘
P/s: Abaikan my grammar in this post or just leave a comment kalau ada nak perbetul mana-mana ayat hikhok. Because I literally crying writing this post, so my brain doesn't function well.
To my future husband (if there is one), to the one real jodoh yang Allah memang dah tetapkan untuk aku di Luh Mahfuz, untuk jodoh sebenar aku itu yang aku sendiri tidak tahu di mana, wujud atau tidak, whoever you are, you always in my prayer since the very beginning. I never forget you in each of my prayer just like my parents. Prepare yourself and come whenever you are ready. My son and I will wait.
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